This guide walks you though obtaining all achievements, along with a guide for each microgame to help you through those elusive S-ranks
Getting the Band Back Together: Recruit all five musicians in chapter one
Bachelor of Bongo Arts: Complete chapter one. Recruit all 5 musicians and complete the graduation ceremony tapes
Purse Snatcher: Harass Lady Red with the right evidence. In order, Staff Testimony, Cigarette Remains, and the Pack of Cigs
Mr Blue’s Clues:Interrogate Mr Blue. Present the Report of Theft and then the Stolen Items.
Daytime Drinking: Make Sir Green admit he has a problem. He has only one piece of evidence to present: the Booze Bottles
Internal Affairs: Make Intern Orange come clean. This takes the Traveler Testimony and then the Staff Footsteps
Car, My Beloved:Complete chapter 2. Interrogate all four suspects and then complete the tape marathon in the control deck.
Fine Dining: Complete the first restaurant shift in chapter 3
Finest Dining: Complete the second restaurant shift, which will require finding at least three of the six recipes in the city.
Disciple of Infinite Taste:
Find all five recipes in the third chapter’s temple section. After completing the entrance riddle, go to each of the five floors and win the micro game offered by the Master of taste.
Next Time on SPOOKWARE: Reach the credits. Complete chapter 3, which triggers after beating the third and final restaurant sequence.
BONE-licious: Uh, same as the last achievement? Instead of triggering at the credits, this one triggers on the chapter select page AFTER the credits.
TP Trouble: Chapter One, bathrooms on the first floor left wing. Pick up toilet paper from the trash can on the right and give it to the skeleton using the second stall from the left
Tree Guys: In chapter 1,2, and 3, there is one guy hidden in a tree to find.
- Chapter One: Leftmost tree, in front of the gym. (Unlike the others, this one is very well hidden)
- Chapter Two: Potted tree to the left of the diner door, on the right deck of the ship.
- Chapter Three: On the main street, far left by the riverside intersection.
Honk If You’re Boney: On the chapter select screen, you can hit W or up to honk your horn. Slam it one hundred times for this achievement.
Complete all five Chapter One recruitment microgames without missing a single note.
Two things to note:
First, you have infinite chances to get this achievement. Even if you fail a tape or complete the chapter, you can always head back to the recruitment spot for another chance. For example, I totally screwed up the guitar one on my first go around and missed two notes. I instantly replayed it, and got the perfect run I needed for the achievement.
Second, the only micro game that’s really difficult is the guitar player, as it has a fast tempo and many double notes. You can cruise through the other four.
- Guitar: Baseball field
- Saxophone: Left wing, second floor library
- Keyboard: Roof
- Trumpet: Right wing, second floor bathrooms
- Trombone: Right wing, first floor science lab
Collect all six recipies in the city part of Bonehatten
- Meat Grinder: Talk to the guy on the stairs, to the left of the vampire’s apartment
- Garlic: Lockpick the door in the small courtyard and then knock on the closet door. He’ll hand you a single coin. Leave and press the glowing button on the nearby pole to reveal a blood vending machine. Get the blood and return to the closet
- Octopus: Examine the small park behind the bus stop to find worms. Take them to the guy in the suit on the far left of the street, who’s fishing in the river. He’ll use them as bait and give you the recipe.
- Eye Skewer: A milk gang grunt, in an alley to the right of the restaurant, wants a carton of milk. The carton can be found in the trash outside the apartments on the far left of the street
- Grater: One door right to the milk gang alley. When you interact with it, the owner will yell at you for knocking on his expensive door. After being yelled at, knock one more time to learn the finger grating recipe.
- Rat Roast: Enter the sewers through the manhole. Solve the pipe puzzle (same controls as Pipes in chapter 2) on the rightward valve to lower the water. Then, head to the left side and break up the puzzle on the leftward valve to raise the water again, so that you can talk to the skeleton and learn the rat recipe.
S-rank Achievements – Part 1
If you’ve ever played WarioWare, you know that this type of game is way harder than it looks. This difficulty comes from three sources:
- The microgames have unclear goals and controls. You need to figure out what to do and how to do it.
- You have a very limited amount of time to read the situation and respond. For example, one game in chapter two is plugging numbers into an equation, and, in the heat of the moment, it’s very easy to misread the equation and plug in a wrong answer.
- If you’re going for the S rank, you need to be flawless for ten micro games in a row, which takes some stamina and steady nerves
- The microgame selection, outside of the boss tape, is randomly pulled from the chapter’s new microgames. Due to this, it’s possible to get repeats and, inversely, for a specific microgame to never show up. The latter can be a life saver, if highly luck based; for example, one microgame in chapter 2 that kept tripping me up, the Coffin one, miraculously didn’t show during my S-rank winning run.
- Broadly speaking, each chapter has only a handful of truly difficult microgames. Because of this, there’s only a handful of games that you need to prepare for and know by heart. For example, in Chapter One, if you can get a handle on Spider Drums and Ghost Flash, you’re ready to go.
- Once you beat a microgame for the first time, you can practice them infinitely by heading to the tape shelf in the prologue basement. Before going for the S-rank, I would recommend practicing every microgame until you can consistently win them all, with special attention to the ones you find hardest.
- You can always come back to try for the S-rank. For example, after you finish Chapter One, you can walk right back into the band room and try the microgame marathon until you get it.
- Some microgames are randomized, some are set, and some have a limited amount of configurations. Because of this, some games can be made easy through memorization, like how Boat has only one pattern and Pipes has only two.
- Part of the difficulty is keeping your cool through the micro game marathon. If you start slipping or feel overwhelmed, you can hit the Esc key to open the pause screen and take a breather.
There are 10 normal tapes and one boss tape in the first compilation. They all use the arrow keys (or WASD) as a control scheme. After beating the prologue, you can come back to the basement and interact with the TV for another chance. This one is the simplest of the bunch,
- Defuse: Steer the cutters towards the wire that matches the color on the bomb screen. This one changes colors every time you play, so keep an eye out
- Ghost: Avoid the ghost until time runs out. This one can be tricky. You have a second to get a head start, so head to the edge and start running counterclockwise.
- Grave: Hold down until the shovel is buried (little click noise) and release. Repeat this three times
- Guillotine: Hit any key when a watermelon goes through the middle of the screen. Halve all melons
- Logsplit: Mash down and up in alternating order until the log is split
- Beheading: Hit ANY keys in alternating order, until the head is cut off. I originally thought it was up and down, or left and right, but any works, surprisingly?
- Shark: Eat all fish in the time limit. The hit box for eating the fish is the shark’s mouth, not the body. A strategy I picked up is to flip left and right, so the shark mouth hit box goes everywhere quickly.
- Skeleton: This one can be tricky. Move the bones into their respective spots. The humerus and femur look similar, so make sure you know which bone you’re moving before you make a mistake.
- Taxes: Hit down and then either left (green) or right (red). Repeat three times
- Zombie Wall: Move left and right with the arrows, and down to shoot. Keep the flytrap zombies from crossing the white line until the timer runs out. Each zombie needs multiple hits to be kept down.
- Boss Nosferatu: Sort cards into the four suites with left/right to move and down to place. One spot for each suite. You can make three mistakes, but the timer is a little tight.
As with the first chapter, there are nine tapes and one boss tape. This one has a couple of real show stopping hard ones. It took me like ten tries to get an S rank? Almost all of them are in time to the music, so if you have a good sense of rhythm, you can play it like Rhythm Heaven.
- Boat: Hit left or right to steal the boats as they hit the gutter. This one always follows the same pattern LRL LLRRLLRRR L R
- Boxing: Hit the outstretched hands with the glove on their side of the screen.
- Brew: Hit the limbs into the cauldron when they hit the bumpers. This is in time with the music
- Ghostflash: This one is tricky. Hit the arrow that matches the one on the ghost when it’s close to the screen, which is after the musical sting finishes. The arrow order is randomized, and you will fail if you go too early or late.
- Karate: Hit the boards as they cross the line.
- Spider Drums: This one is harder than it looks. If you’ve ever played Space Channel 5, it’s like that. You need to remember both the directions and the rhythm in which they’re made; you cannot just press the right keys. You need to input two sets of drum beats. The second has a note on the offbeat, so one beat is faster than the others.
- Stoplight: Hit the key that’s shown on the sign when the light turns green. This one has two distinct patterns: slow, medium, fast and slow, slow.
- Woodchop: Hit the splits in the wood with the axe on their corresponding side
- Xylophone: Easier than Spider Drums, but same basic principle. Remember both side and rhythm, as just mashing will fail you. Two sets of notes: the first is three and the second is five.
- Bossconcert: Easier than most tapes in this collection, to be frank. Hit the notes as you would with the recruitment minigame.
S-Rank Achievements – Part 2
This chapter has nine tapes and one boss tape.The theme of this chapter is puzzles, so this may or may not be hard depending on how you think. They all use a mouse, and a physical mouse you can move around is recommended. You can head back to the captain’s skull in the control deck for another try.
- Coffin: Harder than it looks. There’s a short, medium, long legged, and very long legged mummy to sort, each with a proper coffin. The hardest one is the long legged one, as it’s not immediately clear which coffin it goes into.
- Differences: Find and click the 2 or 3 differences between the two pictures. The differences can be: the clock face, the plates on the table, and any one of four pictures on the wall. One playthrough might be three pictures not matching, while another could be two pictures and the clock face.
- Equation: This one is really easy to screw yourself over on. Using two numbers, out of 0 through 9, solve the equation. Most equations have multiple correct answers; e.g., _ + _ = 13 can be solved as 9/4, 6/7, and 5/8 (or flipped, as addition is commutative). Where things get tricky is the subtraction problems. Sometimes, the correct answer is NEGATIVE, so make sure you’ve read the equation right before putting in your answer. Also, whenever you put a number down, it is locked in until the end of the minigame, so if you make a mistake with your first number, you’ve already lost.
- Ghost counting: Click the + button every time a new ghost flies in from the edge of the screen. The winning amount varies. I’ve seen 15,16, and 17 be the right answer.
- Heart: Fiddle with the two sliders to make the blue EKG match the purple EKG template. A controls strength, so moving it up and down adjusts the strength accordingly. F controls horizontal position. For example, if the purple EKG is stronger and to the left of the blue one, move A up and F down.
- Memory: Match four sets of two photos. Bookshelves, hooded statue, hand holding rifle, and skeleton on the ground.
- Pipes: Play pipe dreams, and connect the lower left faucet with the upper right heart. This one has multiple possible layouts, but the correct answer always has to involve the upper middle pipe, as it is the only one that can connect to the heart. I’ve only seen two pipe layouts.
- Puzzle: Assemble the tangram by dragging the smaller shapes into place. As always with this sort of puzzle, use the big pieces first, as they have very few possible locations. This game has multiple configurations
- Simon Says: Repeat the five skull pattern by clicking each skull. The pattern is only five beats long, so it’s easy to remember.
- Skeleton Boss: This one is actually quite hard. Drag the five bones into place without touching the maze walls. You can make three mistakes without failing the minigame. The pelvis and skull are easy to move, but the other three are harder. The rib cage is giant and bulky. The two long bones needed to be rotated. The timer is very generous on this one, so take your time with the harder bones. Also, this one is not randomized, you have to navigate the same maze every time.
This set has 17 total micro games, and, in the last shift, you go through 14 microgames in a row. You can always head to the restaurant kitchen for one more try. There is not a boss microgame or a speed up for this set. The soup making boss tape is a story part.
- Egg: This one took me like six tries to even figure out what it wanted me to do /: . Use up to throw the egg into the air, and left/right to tilt the pan. The goal is to crack the egg by throwing three times, but you instantly lose if it falls offscreen. When you throw the egg up, it takes off with a startling amount of momentum, so you must tilt the pan to steer it back to the center. Throw to the left, tilt to the right. If you have two cracks down, toss it for an instant win.
- Fingerchop: When a finger is on the middle of the board, press and hold down to cut it off. Continue holding down and left to move the finger off the board. Repeat with all five fingers.
- Hotdog: Your goal for this one is to cut all the way to the right. Initially, hold right until the scissors get stuck. Then, hold left until it goes all the way back before holding right to cut even further. Repeat until the cut is long enough to season the hotdog. This takes at least three cuts.
- Ice Cube: This one is tricky. Use down to drop the ice cube into the moving glass. There are two tricks. One, the ice cube keeps the momentum of the moving hand, so if you let go of it while moving right, it won’t fall straight down; rather, it will curve right. Second, the ice cube falls slowly, so you need to lead the ice cube drop. My strategy was to drop the ice cube when the glass hits the edge of the screen, as it stops for a few milliseconds, giving you a head start.
- Living Food: Move your fork up and down with the arrows, and hit right to shoot a projectile. Survive until time runs out. To be very clear, the goal is to not be hit, and, not as I assumed, to stop the sand from crossing the left edge of the screen. There are two sandwich types: the triangles, which move quickly and can be beaten with one hit, and the big subs, which fire projectiles and can take three hits. If you collide with a sandwich or a bullet, you lose.
- Microwave: use the right key to advance the timer and the left to decrease it. Match the time on the directions. Like a real timer, the clock advances faster as you hold it; press it and it moves a second, hold it and it starts moving by the fives. Move-in big numbers until you’re a tiny bit away from the goal, and then stop to readjust.
- Eye Skewer: skewer three eyeballs by pressing down when you move the skewer over them. Easy, but the skewer hit box is a little narrow.
- Garlic: defend the blood goblet from Nosferatu by moving the garlic into him until time runs out. Nosferatu will attack three or four times, and he always pauses when he comes from a new direction. This one is strangely hard, as the Nosferatu-repelled-by-garlic hitbox and the Nosferatu-touching-the-goblet-and-making-you-lose hitbox are not the same size; the losing hitbox is way bigger.
- Meat grinder: grind the body down by hitting the keys in a clockwise fashion (Up, right, down, left, repeat). Counterclockwise will not work.
- Octopus: cut the tentacles by moving the knife over them (left or right) and hitting up or down.
- Rat: Using up and down, rotate the rat so that the three pustules face the fire (the lower back side) and cook. You can hear them crackle and see them turn red when they face the fire, with a satisfying pop when they cook completely.
- Grater: Alternate between holding up and down to grate down the finger. Repeat until the pasta is fully seasoned.
- Temple Salt: Cut four fish by pressing the down key. Some fish move faster than others, so keep your reflexes sharp.
- Temple Bitter: Oh my god, this one is a pain. Keep the fan over the Traveller as they wander to the flower basket. The failure point is if too much of their body is uncovered at once. You need to rapidly respond to any change in motion. You cannot stay still.
- Temple Sweet: This one is also rather hard. Collect five persimmons (?) in a bowl. The problem is that the bowl can only comfortably fit three of them, so the last two are going to have to be stacked on top, where they roll around with any movement. As long as they don’t go offscreen before the timer runs out, you’re good
- Temple Sour: Navigate the raven to the fruit without hitting the three yokai bobbing back and forth. Whenever you’re not hitting the up button, the raven is falling. When the yokai dart away from the center, make a run for it.
- Temple Umami: Steer your sword into the four mushrooms growing on the trees.