POSTAL Redux: All Level Quotes

Every quote that is shown before a level in Postal (Redux too)

 

Single Player Levels

  • The Earth is hungry. Its heart throbs and demands cleansing. The Earth is also thirsty.
  • Blessed are the meek for they make easy targets.
  • The air ripens with the odors of the dead and dying. It smells like…victory.
  • A glorious symphony of slaughter! 76 tromboners led the death parade…
  • Life is cheap–death is free! Act now! Supplies are limited! (Offer void in Arizona)
  • Furious fireflies materialize against the cavern wall and sunder the earth into dust. Come, little insects, and see the web WE’VE woven!
  • I will don the eviscerated organs of my enemies as party hats, wear their shredded entrails as neckties, and oh, how I shall dance!
  • Human trash spills from its containers as death rains down upon them, sweeping the streets in a cleansing cloudburst of blood…
  • Next stop: Armageddon, the River Styx, Hades… and all points in between! All aboard!
  • Feathers will fly, but big birds won’t. They WILL however, be going south this winter…FAR south!
  • Blood splinters everywhere. Like a river, flowing around me, pulling me in its wake. Paradise! Prepare for…deconstruction!
  • Black leather smoke coils up my nostrils tingling with death’s surprise. Human remnants cling to my clothing like bloody briars as I continue to wade, hip deep in flesh, bone and viscera. Bad neighborhood coming up!
  • I am the celestial gardener, policing the planet of the stink weeds and poisons which leak out even through the cracks in the cold asphalt sidewalks of the City of Sin!
  • Keep your head, hands, arms, legs, and feet inside the ride at all times. You’re bound to lose MORE today than just a few limbs!
  • No day in the park. Too much of the blood on me is mine. But the day is not done, and I’ve miles to go to make them sleep…Peanuts anyone?
  • Feast upon the frozen images of molten massacre as the machineries of death grind relentlessly, mindlessly on…
  • From the halls of the Vatican to the Runways of Truth, we are there. At the place called Climax, and the time called NOW. When it’s done, let the gods sort it out!
  • The hive has been cleansed. The source of the corruption has been corked, laid in a body bag and dragged to the outskirts of existence…

Special Delivery + Japanese Add-on Levels

  • Watch for falling prices, falling employees, falling customers, incoming missiles, and blood puddles…
  • The earth is thirsty. It also seems to have soiled itself…
  • The earth was hungry, so it ate some people.
  • Did someone say they’ve fallen and can’t get up?
  • Watch the river run; flowing with bubbling blood; the end, it is near.
  • The footprint you see; Godzilla has formed for you; your city laid waste.

Network Deathmatch Levels

  • On this day, the demons have brought us together, so that each may strike the other down.
  • The streets will flow red with the blood of the unbelievers!
  • Are You Threatening Me?
  • If you bring death, others will feast upon it.
  • Death comes quickly to those who order early. Don’t delay.
  • We are all here for one purpose, to battle to the death and salvage the remnants of our very souls.
  • I welcome all of you to my party of death.
  • Round trip or One Way? IRT, BMT, BART, it’s all the same when you’re killing time!
  • A festival of slaughter….I will do a good deed and feed the masses.
  • I hear power tools inside my head…ah…feels good!
  • Urban druids delight in fresh kill…come children, witness your father’s arrival.
  • Silk suits dress the dead, kiss them one more time before they go…there will be no second chance.
  • This park is the perfect setting for our wicked recreation.
  • As the machines grind on, they call for death to lubricate them. Hop In!
  • The womb is like a warm fuselage, carrying people to their destiny.

Coop Levels

  • On this day, the demons have brought us together, so that each may help the other strike out against The Man.
  • Are You Threatening Us?
  • Lookout friends! That bridge may be mined…you go first.
  • 1…2…3…Not It!
  • Looks like its quitting time on this site!
  • Lets go Ostrich tipping.
  • We’re lost. Let’s ask for directions.
  • Maybe we better stop before someone gets hurt?
  • Come on everyone, let’s strike up the band!
  • Play Ball!
  • It’s OK to leave your shell casings on the ground, we’re in a junk yard.
  • There’s Bubba now, get ’em!
  • All aboard!
  • Sound the alarm, the Postal forces are here and they are fully armed!
  • Let’s blow up all of the walls in this mart!
  • The only way to get rid of that stench is to burn it, so lets go!
  • Look at this mess… they will hardly notice us.
  • Our demands: bring us some hors d’oeuvres!

Gauntlet Levels

  • It’s time to run the gauntlet and break yourself!
  • It should be no problem to clean up this level
  • You’ll see when you guys get your own mine
  • They’ve got you outnumbered, but that’s about it.
  • Better move quick, there’s no fighting back
  • These guys want to keep their flags in the worst way.
  • Mow them down, they just keep coming.
  • Grab all the flags you can carry.
  • See what’s worth salvaging from this junk yard.
  • You’ve got the weapons, you’ve got some time, whatcha gonna do?
  • Go once around the truckstop and get the flags. Hold on tight!
  • Bring that flag back to your home base
  • See if you can salvage a flag from all of the junk.
  • My guess is you should probably use fire on this level.
  • Go ahead, take the flag. I’m sure they don’t need it. Or, maybe I’m wrong.
  • Let’s clear the blockade off of this bridge, how are cars supposed to get through?
  • Parade around the streets of town, and oh, how you shall dance!
  • You’ve gotta get the flag, it’s REALLY important
  • It’s another day in the mine, the faster you work, the more you get paid.
  • The harvest is perfectly ripe, better hurry before it goes bad.
  • Time to open up a can
  • Tag your game and bring your trophy home.
  • Fire is your tool, but don’t hit a gas pocket or we’ll have to seal off the shaft for 2000 years.

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