Just What Is An “Item”?
For the sake of this ranking, an item is anything listed underneath the page “Category:Items” on the Stardew Valley wiki, and also that can be held in the player’s inventory. Because I sense sequel potential, I won’t be ranking any placeable items, just things which can be held in or used from the inventory ranging from food to explosives to a bunch on other examples. To further limit the amount of searching on the wiki I have to do for this, I also won’t be including weapons or clothing, as those also feel like good potential for rankings.
Also, if you’re wondering why this is top 11 instead of top 10, it’s because originality is hard to find these days and I’ll get it when I can. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s start with an honorable mention!
Honorary Rank 12: Error Item
Of course, some of you at home may be wondering, “if this item is so good, why is it number 12?” Well, the fact of the matter is, I can’t easily gaze upon the beauty of Error Item in the game without something going wrong, which is the last thing I would ever wish to happen in Stardew Valley. If I could carry it with me every day I’m certain it would have rocketed to the number one spot, but because of this item’s rarity I can’t in good faith put it any higher.
Rank 11: Chocolate Cake
But there’s nothing wrong with resorting to a classic if you ask me, especially for this triple layer chocolate cake with what I can only assume is a one pixel cherry on top. And it’s quite the feat to make a chocolate cake without any actual chocolate considering the recipe only includes wheat flour, sugar, and a single egg. To be clear that’s not a bad thing by any means, this isn’t even the only dish in the game which follows this chocolateless cooking method.
When it comes to how funny the idea of eating food items in one bite is, it’s hard to top downing a three layer chocolate cake in less then a second after tossing it into the air. And I mean, c’mon… talk about a good description. I’m not going to show it to you, you have access to both the game and the wiki. Or hey, you could just look at a guide that ripped all the descriptions off the wiki and somehow managed to get dozens of steam awards. I’d say I’m not jealous, but yeah… I am.
Rank 10: Slime Egg
I want to eat them. They’re colorful, they’re squishy looking, I frankly don’t see why they’re inedible. Sure, yeah, it would probably kill you in one way or another, but if I can down a puffer fish and a handful of tree sap I should be able to slurp up the jello egg. But to move on from what it can’t do, it can look like a really well-sprited item, and can catch quite the pretty penny when sold.
But guess what? Everyone hates it. Every single person in town has a completely unwarranted hatred towards the cute little egg. It’s not going to kill you since it hasn’t hatched yet, and considering the incubator is needed to hatch them you could theoretically just put it on display like a nice lava lamp of sorts. Not even the Wizard or my main girl Abby would like something like this? Eh, I’m getting off topic. Really cool item, I wish I could eat it but I’ll take what I can get.
Rank 9: Stonefish
Welp, it’s a brick.
I don’t know much about fish, but can a brick with tiny little fins swim? Probably, there’s a lot of weirder fish in real life which do the whole fish thing. This lil guy is technically a rare fish, and good for him! He deserves it. I always make sure to have a fish pond on my farm for the Stonefish, whether or not it’s all that good of a choice considering all the fish in the game.
And in stark contrast to the Slime Egg, I’m quite glad I don’t get to eat Stonefish. That makes sense, I mean… you probably shouldn’t eat something which is able to produce copper ore, actual rocks, and diamonds. And sure, that last one is just fancy carbon, but what exactly within a Stonefish’s body allows it to produce diamonds? Then again, it’s hard to raise that complaint when looking at how fish ponds work and all the weird stuff some surprisingly normal fish manage to pop out. All around, Stonefish is easily one of my favorite fish in the game, don’t @ me.
Rank 8: Ancient Sword
Okay, that might be a stretch, but someone had a sword in the past and that’s cool. Honestly, I wish this doubled as an artifact and a hilariously awful weapon that does something along the lines of 1-2 damage with pathetic range. But, even in it’s current form I really like this item, especially because of how it’s description explains what it’s made of. The harsh metal blade has withered to time and the environment, and yet the wooden handle has stayed in pristine condition. It really makes you think. I don’t know what it makes you think about, but it definitely does.
And I like that the Dwarf loves this item, as supplying my good buddy the Dwarf with weaponry makes me quite happy. He sells me heavy explosives, I give him a shiv, it all works out.
Rank 7: Curiosity Line
Okay honestly? I really love this sprite. The colors, the shape, they work together to make an item which I’ve enjoyed looking at since the first time I realized it existed. I’ve never used it before and frankly I didn’t even know what it did before starting to make this guide, but now that I do know what it does I find it pretty neat. It makes it easier to find my good buddy the Stonefish, along with the Legendary Fish if you don’t need other tackle to make catching them easier.
And would you look at that, instead of everyone hating an item they all just dislike it. I don’t care if you don’t fish, it looks cool! Just hang it on the wall or something.
Rank 6: Maple Bar
There’s a theme here.
I want to eat it. There’s not like a silly reason or anything, it just looks pretty tasty. And hey, the recipe makes enough sense so that’s a plus. It’s not exactly a good food item, I’m not entirely sure when you would need farming, fishing, and mining all at the same time at a low level, but I’d still eat it anyway.
Maybe I’m missing something, but why does this make the Dirt Shirt when put in a sewing machine? To be very clear yes, I am questioning the outcome part and not the idea of putting a Maple Bar in a sewing machine in the first place, but again, this is Stardew Valley. Of course you put your tasty treat into the sewing machine, that’s just business, but why Dirt Shirt? Is there an inside joke I’m not getting? Maybe there is, maybe there isn’t, it’s a cool item nonetheless.
Rank 5: Bomb
You love to see it.
Talk about a happy medium. It’s bigger then a Cherry Bomb, it’s more manageable then the Mega Bomb, and it keeps showing up in my mailbox because my good friend Kent apparently has an endless supply of explosives in his tool shed. And it’s arguably the most useful item on this list, which certainly says something about how I play and perceive Stardew Valley.
I also love the Bomb because it plays a large role in the No Tools playthrough of the game I’ve been playing on and off for the past few months, considering it’s the primary way I’m able to break things now that I’m past Cherry Bombs. All around, it’s just a good item, the kind that would probably make a top items list of a normal person’s best items list. Good for Bomb.
Rank 4: Wild Bait
The Linus Special.
Linus is easily one of my favorite characters, so the fact that I’m allowed to use his magical fish-doubling bait is quite a gift. I have to ask, though, how does this double the fish? Is it just big enough for two fish to bite it, or does biting it make the fish suddenly duplicate? If so, is the reason that this is inedible because I would have a chance of duplicating upon consuming?
This is getting too deep, it’s good bait. As a fan of fishing in Stardew Valley I often find myself using this, and I believably enjoy when I catch two fish at once. And it definitely has a cute little sprite with the worm wrapped up in fiber. Or maybe it’s just a tube of Bug Meat wrapped in fiber, I’m not sure. No matter what, while this might not be the most fun entry out there, it’s earned it’s spot.
Rank 3: Amethyst
Ah yes, the girlfriend material.
It just wouldn’t be one of my rankings if I didn’t talk about how much I love Abigail. The best girl rightfully loves the best gem in the game, at least in terms of my personal enjoyment of them. Sure, I’ve got my fair share of Diamond Crystalariums on my farm for a bit of extra profit, but Amethyst is just the perfect mix of easy to obtain a bunch of it and liked by the majority of villagers. I always have some of it on me to give away when I haven’t maxed out every villager’s happiness yet, and even then I’ll still carry it with me anyway to give to wifey.
And it’s just a good looking item in my opinion, a lot of the other gems are either too symmetrical or too imperfect, but this is such a nice shade of purple with really nice shading. Very deserving of the number 3 spot.
Rank 2: Green Tea
As yes, perfectly normal tea.
I’m a bit torn on what this tea is supposed to be. I strongly believe that Caroline is or at least was a stoner, you can check out my non-marriage candidates ranking to see my reasoning to that bold claim, and yet this tea claims to increase your energy. Maybe there’s more then weed in Caroline’s garden, all I know is I don’t trust “Tea” Leaves for a second.
But dang is that a good sprite, I don’t even like Green Tea in real life but I want a sip anyway. The cute little cup only helps the matter, and while I’ll always be drinking Coffee instead of this in the game considering how much lower the energy consumption gets in the late game, I still really like the idea of the item. This seems to be a relatively shared opinion with how many of the villagers like it, except for the children, but I don’t much care for them anyway. Green Tea gets to be in the number 2 spot because it makes me feel comfy, and that’s all I need from Stardew Valley. Comfort.
The Big Winner: Chicken Statue
I will not take any criticism.
Look at it. I don’t care where or how, just go look at this masterful understanding of how to make a sprite. Stardew Valley chickens have always been so perfect, so the fact that I get to carry one around in my pocket on a little bronze base is all I could ever ask for. This is easily the most unforgivable example in the game of something being disliked by the overwhelming majority of the villagers, as I am without a single reason as to why anyone who was handed one of these would be actively annoyed. It’s like if the world “welcoming” was compressed into a physical object.
And hey, I talked about lore before, but this explicitly states something about the past of Stardew Valley! And of course the ancient people of the Valley were fond of chickens, it only makes sense given the seemingly deep rooted love for farming which resides in the Valley itself. On top of all that, once one is donated to the museum you get the amazing Chicken Statue placeable item.
Say whatever you want about me, but I love this item, and I get a goofy little smile on my face whenever I find one. It was no contest when I went to make this ranking that this would be number 1, and the Chicken Statue easily deserves it’s spot.
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